


Words dancing on the tip of my tongue

by wastingmytimedreaming



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Luke, Boys Kissing, Hand Jobs, M/M, Swearing, Top Ashton, Virgin Luke, brief mention of Malum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-07 14:33:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,992
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4266801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wastingmytimedreaming/pseuds/wastingmytimedreaming
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I thought I was ready,” Luke confessed.</p><p>Ashton shot him a sad smile, “I think I wanted to believe you were.”</p><p>Or Luke has been dating Ashton for 6 months and convinced himself that in order to compensate for his lack of sexual experience sleeping with Ashton is the way to go. If only he’d thought twice about the consequences.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Words dancing on the tip of my tongue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pendragoh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pendragoh/gifts).



> To the person who requested this: I hope you have as much fun reading this as I had writing it and I hope it's what you had in mind and at least like it a teeny tiny bit. (I also apologize for only filling one of your prompts, I've been on holiday for the past couple of weeks and haven't had the time)
> 
> Title is from the song Red Lights by Little Sea

Luke tried his very best to avoid his reflection in the mirror as he leaned onto the bathroom sink. He didn’t need to see his cheeks flushed, his eyes wide open and shifting uncontrollably, his chest rising and falling to a rapid beat. The sound of his heart racing resonating in his ears was enough. 

He exhaled, shakily, fogging up the glass in the process. He wept it away with his sleeve, coming face to face with himself and sadly confirming his earlier suspicions about his appearance.

'You can do this' repeated in his head, a constant maelstrom. If he said it enough times he’d maybe be able to trick his brain into believing it.

He tugged at the collar of his flannel, it felt constricting around his neck. He popped the top few buttons open to try and relief the feeling of being suffocated but it was to no avail. He ran a hand through his hair, which was still slightly damp from his shower, and put a few stubborn hairs back into place.

Luke took one final deep breath, wiped his clammy palms on his jeans, and walked out of his bathroom. He was met by Ashton, sprawled out on Luke’s bed, aimlessly browsing through his phone. Still in the exact same position Luke had left him when he went to take a shower.

The minute Ashton’s eyes landed on Luke they turned from bored to worried.  
“What’s wrong?”

Luke inhaled a shaky breath. Oxygen got stuck inside his throat, unable to reach his lungs through the barrier of nerves. He summoned a smile onto his face.“I’m ready.”

Ashton’s face scrunched up in confusion, “Ready to go?”

Luke shook his head, he couldn’t trust his brain to form any more words because it refused to function completely, leaving him feeling like a fish stranded on dry land. He motioned towards the bed, then Ashton and then himself hoping that’d work. 

Ashton’s face cleared up momentarily before becoming void of emotions, “Oh, you mean…”

Luke nodded fervently, starting to wonder who he was trying to convince, “Yeah,” His voice sounded hoarse, he tried swallowing to relieve the tension. 

Ashton frowned, “Are you sure? I thought we were gonna see a movie?”

Ashton’s confusion would’ve been endearing to Luke if this was any other situation, right now though he felt like any hesitation from Ashton was a life boat passing by, he was drowning, and didn’t know how long he could hold off rescue.  
Luke nodded, not trusting his voice anymore.

He’d managed to convince himself he was ready. Some nerves were to be expected and he’d just have to power through. Anything else, not going through with this, failing Ashton, was unthinkable.

His stomach did triple backflips when Ashton stood up and walked over to him. He told himself that was a completely normal reaction, his stomach always got a bit upset when Ashton was around.

Luke had to do this. If the rumours were anything to go by he hardly Ashton’s first, and here he was, a 17 year old virgin, and maybe Ashton had never flat out said it but Luke was convinced he was boring the hell out of the older man, scared shitless at the mere thought of taking things to the next level.

This was Ashton, and Luke wanted to be with Ashton, and if being with Ashton meant losing his virginity so be it. He wasn’t going to lose him over something as stupid as this.

Ashton placed a hand on Luke’s hip, effectively startling him out of his musings, “Hey,” He whispered, “It’s just me.”

Luke smiled at him, the knots in his chest loosening because it was Ashton, and they’d kissed before, and they’d cuddled before and maybe a little more. He should be used to Ashton touching him but now, it just felt alien, the gentleness Ashton’s hands carried, how careful he was, as if Luke would break if he pushed or pulled too hard.

“You sure you wanna do this?” Ashton asked again just as Luke leaned in to kiss him. He placed a hand on Luke’s chest, stopping him in his tracks, “I thought you wanted to wait?” 

Luke shrugged, ignoring the sirens blaring in his head, screaming 'last chance' at him. Ashton grabbed him by the shoulders, which immediately burned up underneath his touch, and forced Luke to look at him, “I don’t want you to do anything you’re not comfortable with,” He nodded solemnly, as if he was trying to convince himself of something, “We can always wait. We can wait as long as you want.”

This was it, Luke’s final chance to back away, rescue lights close enough to catch him flailing in the water if he wanted to. His head was ready to run in the completely opposite direction of Ashton. Instead he did the one thing his brain was screaming at him not to do. He leaned in, closed the distance between them by pressing their lips together, blowing off each and every rescue mission, deciding he’d rather go down with the ship. Ashton might say he was fine, with waiting, but what if he wasn’t, a little voice inside his head suggested.

How long before Ashton got fed up and left?

Kissing Ashton always kind of felt like coming home. He didn’t remember home feeling this overwhelmingly nauseating.

Luke tried focusing on just the feeling of Ashton’s lips against his. How they were almost unbearably soft. He felt Ashton’s hands gliding down his arms, raising goose bumps along the way, until they reached Luke’s hands and laced their fingers together, bridging the space between them.

Luke’s senses were going into overdrive. Everything about Ashton was in high definition connected to a surround sound system. He felt Ashton’s chest rise and fall against his own, felt how calloused Ashton’s hands were, had fireworks going off in his ears to signify the other man’s heartbeat, noticed how he vaguely smelled like vanilla and felt the beginning of a beard prickling against his chin. A small but vicious reminder of their age difference.

Luke plummeted right back into reality with a loud crash when Ashton lifted up his flannel slightly, letting his fingertips trail over Luke’s stomach. He left no visible marks, but Luke’s skin felt like it was on fire nonetheless. 

Ashton hooked his fingers under the hem of the flannel, pulled at it, completely forgoing buttons. Luke ended up slightly tangled as Ashton tried to pull it over his head and the sound of Ashton’s laugh nipped his anxiousness right in the bud.

If Ashton was happy to be doing this, he should be too.

Luke’s eyes closed on their own accord when Ashton started pressing soft kisses into his neck. He soon found a particularly sensitive spot, one he hadn’t found before. It caught Luke by surprise and made him gasp for air.

He felt Ashton smile against his throat, the action yet again extracting nerves from Luke’s body. 

Ashton’s hands roamed further down Luke’s back, until they dipped into Luke’s pants. Ashton pushed their bodies closer together. Luke felt like he was on fire, choking on ashes in his lungs. 

Ashton guided them onto the bed slowly. Luke was perfectly fine losing control to the elder. If he were to take charge himself, he’d wriggle out from underneath Ashton’s body that felt warm and heavy on top of his own and skip out of the room faster than you could say coward.

Ashton’s hands felt familiar, but their movements didn’t.

Ashton sat back onto Luke’s legs, took his time to let his eyes roam over the younger man’s body. Luke’s nerves got pushed aside by a severe desire for Ashton, and everything Ashton had to offer him. Only, he wasn’t sure if he wanted it now or in about 5 years. 

Maybe that’s how it was, he thought, tomorrow he’d wake up, realize it wasn’t a mistake, and move on with his life. In the end, he’d realize that this was right, this was supposed to be happening right now, just their relationship strolling leisurely down a predestined path. 

Strolling leisurely however, had turned into a rollercoaster.

Luke’s fingers traced over Ashton’s clothed stomach. It felt warm, even through the shirt, robust underneath his fingertips. Ashton watched his movements, brows furrowed in concentration as if Luke’s hands were trying to convey a message he had trouble deciphering. 

“You’re beautiful,” Luke whispered. Maybe he hadn’t planned for it to actually leave his mouth. Ashton’s face lit up. It reminded Luke of the fireworks they’d watched together on New Year’s Eve when Ashton had drank so much Luke had to give him a piggyback ride back home. 

Ashton’s smile was the last thing Luke saw before their lips crashed together.

Maybe he could do this after all. The smile that seemed to be permanently stuck on Ashton’s face reminded him a whole of sunshine and made him feel all warm inside, cosy. It was almost too bright to look at, but he’d rather go blind than look away.

“This is way better than going to the movies,” Ashton admitted between kisses left all over Luke’s neck that had Luke struggling to come up for air.

Luke felt his cheeks heat up as Ashton seemed to glow even brighter, warmer. Even after months of being together, a simple compliment from the elder could make his whole day. 

Ashton had never shied away from compliments, making Luke feel loved, hell, cherished even.

Whenever they were together Ashton would have at least 1 body part connected to Luke at all times and their lips met enough times to have made both Michael and Calum shriek in disgust on multiple different occasions. 

Even right now, when his nerves were going into overdrive and made him feel like he was about to spontaneously combust, he relished in the simple, yet rare, feeling of being loved.

Sometimes Ashton looked at Luke, almost as if he’d never seen anything quite like him. Luke always laughed it off, but right now, with Luke half-naked and vulnerable in the quiet of his own bedroom, it hit him. Maybe Ashton just looked at him, the way he looked at Ashton.

When he woke up tomorrow, he might regret this ever happened, but he was fairly certain he wouldn’t regret the Ashton part of it all.

Ashton’s movements were slow, calculated even. Every single last one of them seemed to be designed to emit some sort of reaction from Luke. 

Luke could feel warmth blossoming onto his cheeks as Ashton left kisses all over his torso. He watched as his skin turned from pale white to red underneath Ashton’s lips and tried his best to cope with the sensory overload.

“Guess who else is beautiful?” Ashton asked, from somewhere halfway down Luke’s body.

The movements of his lips tickled against Luke’s stomach as he spoke and he smiled at both that and the compliment.

“I wouldn’t know,” Luke replied, feigning innocence. He even shrugged which in turn made Ashton’s nose bump against his tummy.

“There’s this guy,” Ashton drew out the words, “He’s a giant loser really. The first time I met him he was wearing these green glasses and everyone was teasing him about them?”

Luke shook his head, “Nope, doesn’t ring a bell.”

Ashton propped himself up, elbows resting on either side of Luke, “No? Well, I told him I liked his glasses, but they did look kind of funny on him.”

“Hey!” Luke protested, smacking Ashton on the arm, “You liar!”

Ashton snickered, “You know him then?”

Luke pouted, “I thought you liked my green glasses?”

Ashton kissed him on the nose, “I liked you.”

Luke perked up at Ashton’s confession, “Even back then?”

Ashton nodded, “Glad you got rid of the glasses though.”

They sat like that for a while, until Ashton suddenly seemed to remember why they were here. It hadn’t been the first thought on Luke’s brain anymore either. Somehow all of his anxiousness had temporarily disappeared but hit him square in the face once more when Ashton’s eyes scanned his body.

“It isn’t fair, you know?” Luke croaked out, trying desperately not to cross his arms in front of his chest, anything would do to cover him up.

Ashton looked up at him, confusion and worry etched onto his face.

Luke tugged at Ashton’s shirt, it felt like grasping desperately at the relaxed atmosphere that had settled between them that was slipping through his fingers, “You’re still wearing this.”

Ashton’s face relaxed, “Take it off then.”

Luke’s hands faltered as he reached for it. Ashton grabbed a hold of them, “Are you nervous?”

Luke didn’t look up, bit his lip, and nodded, “I guess? Weren’t you, the first time?”

“I guess?” Ashton sounded unsure which did absolutely nothing to calm Luke’s nerves because now the other man probably thought he was overreacting.

Luke looked up as he squeezed Ashton’s hands, “I’m fine, I want to,” He assured Ashton. 

Ashton’s fingers drifted to Luke’s neck and drew softly across his pulse. Luke’s breath got caught in his throat, right there where Ashton’s fingers laid. He closed his eyes.

Luke felt Ashton move down his body once more. He managed to catch Luke by surprise when he left a kiss right above the waistband of Luke’s jeans and Luke’s knee jerked up automatically, planting itself right in Ashton’s stomach.

“Holy f-“

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” Luke stammered.

“No, no, it’s fine.”

“Oh god, are you okay?”

Ashton wheezed, as he clutched at his stomach, “Yeah, yeah.”

Before Luke registered what he was doing he was snorting, trying to hold back giggles. Ashton glared at him and the look on the elder’s face was enough for Luke to topple into a full on laughing fit. All of his earlier nerves bubbled to the surface and out of his mouth.

“I’m sorry,” He choked out between fits of laughter. He took Ashton’s head between his hands and kissed him, “I’m sorry,” He repeated, “Just warn me next time.”

“As in ‘Luke, I am about to kiss your left nipple’?"  
Luke nodded, “Exactly like that.”

Ashton kissed him right where he’d said he would.

“Luke, I’m about to kiss your right nipple."

Luke giggled as Ashton did just that.

“Luke, I’m about to kiss your right shoulder.”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Luke whined, giggling.

“Luke, I’m about to kiss your mouth to shut you up."

Luke’s giggles escaped into Ashton’s mouth, “You’re an idiot,” He mumbled between kisses.

After all of that, his nerves had managed to die down to a low lull in the background, barely there, but still looming for a new opportunity to strike. 

What they were doing new, wasn’t anything new. Ashton undoing his pants however, was on a whole new level, a hurdle that seemed impossibly high, and made Luke wonder how on earth he was supposed to jump over it. Luke watched Ashton as the speed of his stomach going up and down to match his breathing inclined.

It took Ashton a couple of minutes to free Luke from his jeans. By the end of it all Luke ended up feeling self-conscious, even though Ashton had shot him the occasional smile as his face turned red from the effort.

“One down one to go,” He muttered, leaning in to steal another kiss from Luke’s lips. Luke moved to meet him halfway automatically.

Luke resisted the urge to cross his legs, pull them up to his stomach, wrap his hands around them, anything to feel less vulnerable as he watched Ashton take of his own pants.

Ashton must’ve noticed Luke’s twitching and turning because when he returned to the bed he gently coaxed Luke’s knees apart with his hands and mouth until there was enough space between them to sit down. Luke complied to it all, Ashton’s eyes boring into his, hands resting on the inside of Luke’s thighs, they felt almost unbearably warm.

“Would it help if I called you beautiful again?” Ashton suggested.

Luke smiled, half-heartedly, at Ashton’s attempt to lighten the mood that seemed to get heavier, weigh down on them more, with each passing second, “I think that would just put more pressure on me,” He decided.

Ashton tried to assure him, “We can stop at any time.”

Luke shrugged, “That helps, I guess?”

Ashton’s eyes turned uncertain, focusing on the sheets underneath Luke’s body. Luke felt like punching himself in the face. He might not be fully convinced he wanted to do this, but he needed Ashton to believe he was. He didn’t want Ashton to back out now, he wasn’t sure he’d ever gather enough courage again to try once more if this attempt failed.

He surged forward suddenly, clasping onto Ashton’s shoulders for dear life, and pressed their lips together rather harshly. Ashton let out a surprised ‘oomph’ that turned into a moan soon enough. Luke could feel his blood rushing through his ears, his heartrate automatically accommodating to the noises Ashton was making.

Luke’s hands wandered to places on Ashton’s body even his eyes hadn’t had the pleasure of meeting before. It was all new, and exciting somehow. 

Ashton managed to scare the crap out of him when his hands started travels of their own up and down Luke’s body.

“I don’t… how?” Luke spoke up nervously, pulling away from Ashton as he was met by uncertainty in his brain about any further action, “How does this-“ He motioned between their bodies, “Tell me what to do?” He pleaded.

Ashton nodded. He pushed Luke back onto the bed and hooked one of his long fingers underneath the waistband of his underwear. Luke’s insides resembled fireworks perfectly.

“I’m gonna take these off, okay?”

Luke swallowed before nodding, eyes focused on the Blink-182 poster on the wall behind Ashton, instead of on the older man himself. Mark Hoppus staring at him whilst a guy was taking of his underwear made it feel surreal, as if it was happening to someone else, and he was just a stranger looking in from the outside, completely disconnected.

Cold air hit Luke’s dick. He felt bare, stripped to the very core, exposed. When he did eventually look up at Ashton, his eyes were focused on Luke’s face and not somewhere down there, where Luke didn’t really need any eyes to be.

Ashton’s smile was gentle as he spoke, “Just lay back and relax.”

Luke realized moment later that any attempt to ‘relax’ would be in vain when Ashton was licking, and biting, and sucking at bits and pieces of skin Luke didn’t even know could be this sensitive. He hadn’t even come anywhere near his dick, but Luke already struggled to keep still, and most importantly, keep quiet.

When a noise did eventually manage to slip past his defences and out of his mouth Ashton perked up and looked at Luke with a smirk on his face. Luke felt his cheeks turn red.

His hands became creatures out of his control when they went from clasping at the sheets to clasping onto Ashton’s waist. His fingernails sank into the soft flesh, leaving little moon-shaped marks.

Luke’s moans became more and more difficult to control when Ashton started kissing and sucking at his thighs, dangerously close to his dick, not reaching it quite yet. Anticipation built up inside his stomach, pushing and shoving at the anxiousness, forcing it to make way and then nestling itself in for the pleasure he was about to experience. 

Ashton squeezed his thigh to get his attention. Luke opened his eyes, looked down, and immediately wished he hadn’t because the image of Ashton’s mouth mere centimetres away from his dick was one to haunt him forever, “Okay?” Ashton asked.

Luke nodded. Ashton wasted no more time and caused Luke’s head to drop back against the pillows rather forcefully when he took him inside his mouth. Ashton’s mouth was wet, and warm, and it felt weird, unlike anything Luke had ever experienced. Most of all it just felt like the earth shattering beneath him, breaking apart, opening up to engulf him completely.

“Shit, Ash,” He let out involuntarily. The other man looked up at him, Luke felt his smile around him and saw it reach his eyes which squinted shut in happiness. 

“Fuck,” Luke muttered. 

Ashton’s mouth sank deeper onto his dick. Luke’s hands desperately sought for something to hold onto, and found temporarily relief in his sheets. His hips bucked up before he could stop them and Ashton pulled of abruptly. He started coughing and Luke spotted the tears forming in his eyes which tainted his own cheeks red in reply.

“Oh, I’m sorry?” He offered.

Ashton shook his head, “It’s okay, just gonna have to hold your hips down apparently.”

After the minor bump in the road Ashton grew more confident, and moved around his dick more skilfully –or at least it appeared this way to Luke-. His large hands pinned down Luke’s hips, which he still had trouble controlling. It made Luke wonder how many times he’d done this before. The vision of Ashton’s lips wrapped around some other guy wasn’t exactly what he needed right now though.

Pleasure soon clouded over any thoughts of Ashton with other people, or any thoughts in general. His fingers chafed against the sheets clenched in his fists. 

Luke hadn’t spent much time considering the effects Ashton would have on him, how everything would feel. His brain had been too preoccupied thinking about how much he didn’t want this. Luke might still be feeling a little squeamish but with Ashton’s hand wrapped around the base of his dick and his mouth wrapped around the head there wasn’t much room for second thoughts and doubt.

Minutes passed and a knot formed in his stomach that got tighter and tighter much like it did when he got himself off, but more intense. Every single one of Ashton’s movements was unexpected, and the anticipation before each and every one was driving Luke out of his mind.

Ashton looked up at him expectantly which made Luke worry all over again. What if he was taking too long? Was he offending Ashton’s blowjob skills? Luke didn’t have much else to compare them too, but he was pretty sure they were outstanding.

Luke surprised both Ashton and himself by resorting to drastic measures. He tangled his hands into Ashton’s curls, pushing down Ashton’s head and bucking his hips up at the same time. He was coming down Ashton’s throat the second his dick hit the back of it.

He only vaguely registered Ashton coughing in the background. His head was stuck in a whirlwind and everything inside his room had managed to become white noise as he tried to recover from his high.

When he noticed Ashton’ state of distress Luke smiled up at him sheepishly, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay,” Ashton replied, shaking his head. His voice sounded hoarse. Luke felt uneasy knowing he was the one who’d caused that, “That was really hot actually.”

As he desperately tried to keep colour off his face he noticed the outline of Ashton’s dick visible through his underwear.

“Oh,” He muttered. His stomach sank, this was a whole new level to beat.

Ashton squeezed his thigh. Luke involuntarily but automatically shied away from the touch. Ashton frowned, Luke’s heart missed a beat. He had come this far, he wasn’t about to give up now. He needed to prove to Ashton that he was fine with it all.

Ashton’s face fell and he started pulling away but Luke reached out to keep him close, “No, sorry, I want to, really, it’s just,” He sighed, ran a hand through his hair, “I don’t even know where to start?” 

It was at least half the truth. Admitting to being inexperienced was a whole lot easier than he admitting he was plain out terrified and scared shitless about the prospect of touching Ashton anywhere inside his pants. 

Ashton nodded, pursed his lips, “How about you do to me what you’d do to you?”

Luke started blushing as he remembered that one time Ashton had walked in on him jacking himself off. They had both brushed it off, and never spoke of it again, but Ashton’s eyes, that had lingered a little too long where Luke’s hand had been wrapped around himself, haunted him to this day.

“I, uhm…” His heart was thumping so loud it was destined to explode out of his chest sooner rather than later, “Sure, lay down.” 

Luke sat up so that Ashton could take his place on the single bed.

He inhaled shakily, “Okay.”

Ashton smiled up at him, reached out a hand to squeeze his arm encouragingly. Luke’s skin turned to dust underneath his fingertips.

When Luke looked down he was hit by just how much of Ashton there was. How much of Ashton underneath him, how much of Ashton to touch, to explore. How much time it would take to map it all out, memorize which spots evoked which reactions. Ashton went on forever, and he felt overwhelmed.

He shook his head to try and clear his mouth and did as Ashton told him. He imagined Ashton as himself, started tracing lines across his chest. It wasn’t long before Luke realized his fingers were connecting the moles dotted across Ashton’s chest, bridging highways between them, opening them up for traffic.

Ashton’s breathing hitched when Luke got closer to the waistband of his underwear. Luke shied away involuntarily, clambering back up Ashton’s torso hastily.

He was making Ashton feel good, a completely new, strange and alien concept. It was exhilarating. 

Whenever he’d conjured up scenarios in his head, about how this night would pan out, he hadn’t paid much attention to this part.  
It might be one of his favourites so far.

“You’re beautiful,” Luke repeated in all honesty. Ashton’s mouth was slightly opened, his eyes closed shut, he looked completely at ease. Luke longed for this kind of tranquillity to wash over him instead of what they were doing upsetting his stomach.

Ashton’s eyes fluttered open, blinking against the light as his lips curled into a smile.

Luke’s breath hit the barrier set up in his throat. He quickly focused his attention back onto Ashton’s stomach, occupying himself with letting his fingers hover right where skin met fabric. 

He was postponing the inevitable.

He took one final breath before hooking one of his fingers underneath the waistband. The skin felt slightly hotter against his knuckles and he was burning up all over again.

He pulled down, down, until he met the resistance of Ashton’s dick, and pulled harder, and then they were gone and there was officially nothing separating them, no layers between their bodies. What Luke was met with created a mixture of fear and anxiety inside of him, stronger than he’d ever felt before.

He was scared out of his mind.

He could safely say every little thing about Ashton was beautiful, seemingly hand carved by some sort of deity to meet all of Luke’s wishes, hopes and dreams exactly.

He was scared out of his mind.

Ashton coughing shook him out of his daze.  
Luke still felt unsure about the whole situation but smiled nonetheless. He gathered up every single piece of courage he could muster up. Instead of focusing his attention straight onto Ashton’s dick he shifted down his body and leaned into leave kisses along his thighs, much like Ashton had done to him. The skin felt soft and warm underneath his lips, almost unbearably soft. If the sighs escaping Ashton’s mouth were anything to go by, he was enjoying this as much as Luke had minutes earlier. 

When he pulled away redness blossomed across Ashton’s flesh, dark, even compared to his tan skin.

There were limits to Luke’s confidence, and whilst he’d be happy to spend the entire night kissing Ashton’s soft, warm thighs, he drew the line here for now. So instead of wrapping his lips around Ashton’s dick, he used his hand. 

Ashton felt heavy in his palm, heavier than Luke’s own dick. He tried desperately to remember how this worked but felt like a child having to learn the alphabet all over.  
His brain eventually decided to kick in. Luke himself liked starting at the tip, gathering up all the precum to try and determine if he needed lube. 

In Ashton’s case, he did. He reached across Ashton’s body to open up his nightstand drawer in which he’d hid some necessities which he’d managed to sneak inside earlier that day. He felt around until he reached the bottle of lube and pulled it out.

He could feel Ashton’s eyes burning holes into his back all throughout this process, so when he turned around to face the elder once more he held up the bottle in explanation, “I thought we might need this?”

Ashton nodded.

Luke’s blush creeped back onto his cheeks. Ashton knew, knew he’d been planning this ahead of time and it made him feel even more inexperienced, and insecure.

All Ashton did in reply was close his eyes once more and lean back onto the pillows. Seeing Ashton like this made something twist deep inside Luke, something he’d never felt before. Ashton had always been the older one, the more mature one, the more experienced one yet here he was, transferring all responsibility, all control, onto Luke as if it was nothing.

As if they did this every day.

Luke popped open the cap of the lube and squirted some into the palm of his hand. It made a horrible squelching noise that had Luke shuddering in disgust and Ashton pop open one eye and crack a smile.

Luke smiled back, weakly, but automatically, as always. He reached out his lube covered hand and wrapped it loosely around the tip of Ashton’s dick who shot up immediately.

“Shit, that’s cold!"

“Shit, I’m sorry!” Luke sputtered, shaking his head in disbelief at himself.

Ashton exhaled loudly, and maybe Luke was wrong, but he sounded annoyed. Fear roared up inside Luke’s chest once more.  
Why would Ashton waste time on an inexperienced kid like him?

“It’s fine, warm it up between your hands?”

He knew that, that’s what made it worse. 

He squirted a new generous amount onto his palm. The first batch had gone flying everywhere in the hassle of things. He rubbed his hands together to heat it up. Ashton nodded approvingly, encouragingly, before leaning back onto the pillows.

Luke laced his trembling fingers around Ashton once more, his brain trying to gather up a list of things he, himself liked but coming up blank. He circled around the head a couple of times before slowly moving up and down. Ashton’s chest rose and fell faster. 

It felt really weird, familiar, but completely different at the same time. He fixed his eyes on Ashton’s face instead of the movements of his own hand trying to decipher which movements caused which reactions. He repeated the ones that made Ashton throw his head back into his neck, bite his lip –there were only a few of those though-.

Luke picked up the pace as he ran his fingers along the curves of Ashton’s side. He spotted goose bumps raising up underneath his fingertips and smiled.

“Is this okay?” He asked, teeth digging into his bottom lip. 

Ashton replied by hoisting himself up and swinging his arms around Luke. He pulled Luke close, nails digging into his back painfully. Ashton’s lips remained almost unbearably soft, but they were harsh, blunt edged, when they crashed into his.

Luke felt one of Ashton’s large hands wrap around his own. He started directing the pace, showing Luke what to do, where to go, dictated every single movement of Luke’s hands. Luke had no choice but to go with it as Ashton’s hand moved faster and his face fell into the crook of Luke’s neck. Ashton’s forehead was sweaty against his shoulder, his skin felt too hot to touch.  
Ashton came soon after, their lips colliding like a car crash.

Ashton collapsed back onto the bed. His arms were still tightly wrapped around Luke’s torso who had no choice but to follow the other man’s movements and ended up pressed flush against Ashton’s chest. The heat building up between them felt like a thousand supernova’s. Luke listened to the sound of Ashton’s breathing stabilizing again.

Ashton stirred underneath him after a while, “Your parents aren’t about to walk in or something?”

Luke chuckled, “Way to kill the mood, nah, they’re at a dinner party.”

“You weren’t invited?” Ashton’s breath tickled Luke’s neck as he spoke.

Luke shrugged, “I declined the offer.”

Ashton trying to hold up a regular  
conversation was both good and bad. Good because it helped to halt the constant stream of holy fuck shit fuck jesus fuck that was running through Luke’s head. Bad because who the fuck does that.

The expression on Ashton’s face and the mischievous glint in his eyes when Luke lifted his head up to look at him amplified the holy fuck shit fuck jesus fuck so much it became almost unbearable to think.  
'Holy fuck I just gave Ashton a hand job' turned into 'holy fuck he’s gonna fuck me'. 

Luke would be lying if he said he was ready for that.

But Ashton was.

The look Calum had given him last Monday at lunch when Luke had told him he and Ashton hadn’t had sex yet suddenly flashed before his eyes, sparking up a new motivation inside of Luke. The look had been completely justified, they had been dating for 6 months already, add to that Ashton’s experience –he had heard more than enough stories floating around school-, and Luke’s prudence felt futile.

“You,” Luke cleared his throat, “You ready for…” He trailed of at the end of the sentence, giving Ashton more than enough time to decline his offer but instead Ashton nodded.

Luke’s stomach didn’t just sink, it hit the god damned floor. 

He felt Ashton move down his body as if through a haze, his brain foggy and clouded. He closed his eyes and tried his best to drown out the sounds. The sound of the bottle of lube opening, the sound of Ashton squeezing out some of it, the sound of Ashton’s breathing as it hitched.

The second thought in Luke’s mind was that it felt really weird, all of the research he’d done couldn’t have possibly captured the true feeling. The first thought was 'holy fuck this hurts'. He didn’t know how anything was supposed to feel down there, but he was pretty sure it wasn’t supposed to feel like being teared open by a chainsaw. 

When he opened his eyes and saw Ashton’s brows furrowed in concentration, his tongue sticking out between his lips, he figured it’d be best to keep his peace and not disturb him. 

Not to mention pain rose up into his throat to close it off completely and if he did speak he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to stop his already stinging eyes from flooding.

“Try to relax,” Ashton suggested, voice barely a whisper.

“Thanks,” Luke shot back, his voice chocked but the terribly hidden anger lacing it visible nonetheless.

“I’m sorry,” Ashton whispered, “We can stop, if you want?”

Luke focused on the sound of Ashton’s voice, it helped a little towards shifting his attention away from the pain so he managed to shake his head, “No, keep going.”

Ashton pushed his finger in deeper as Luke clung onto the bed sheets for dear life. His teeth dug into the flesh of his bottom lip, drawing blood if the metallic taste in his mouth was anything to go by.

Pleasure felt miles out of reach moving further and further away by the second. A whimper left Luke’s mouth at Ashton’s fingers twisting inside him.

Luke closed his eyes, opened them once more when it didn’t dull the pain. Ashton was looking down at him, his face seemed stripped of any emotions, only his brows furrowed in concentration. Luke had no idea what was going on inside the other man’s mind and it scared him to bits.

Everything else went by in a blur. Almost as if Luke wasn’t part of it all, and it wasn’t actually happening to him.

He was occasionally interrupted by Ashton asking him if he was okay, and Luke assured him that he was, even when he wasn’t, because when Ashton spoke up the pain felt like a fire in his core, ashes in his lungs and lava running down his cheeks.

Luke wiped away the tears before Ashton could see them, assuring him one last time that he was okay.

**

“You should get some sleep,” Ashton muttered. Luke popped open one of the eyes he was having trouble keeping from falling back shut.

“You should too,” He countered, hoping Ashton would get the hint.

“Here?” He asked. Luke watched him roll up the sheets between his fingers nervously. His stomach twisted because Ashton looked so vulnerable, and small. 

“Yeah, or you could go home?” Luke suggested, closing his eyes not to have to witness Ashton’s reaction. He felt guilty, but not guilty enough.

Luke felt Ashton shift and get off the bed, “Yeah, I should let you get some rest.”

Luke didn’t miss the hurt shining through from underneath Ashton’s carefreeness. He almost apologized, almost decided to ignore his whole body yelling at him in pain, his stomach clenching at the mere thought of spending the night with Ashton, almost. 

He felt nauseous.

“See you after school tomorrow?” Luke asked, chewing up his bottom lip.

“Yeah,” Ashton muttered as he finished getting dressed, “See you tomorrow.”

And then he was gone, and Luke felt like he could finally breathe again, all the pent up air being released into his lungs, like a huge weight had been lifted up his chest. He swam around in endless amount of space, both in his bed and mind, relishing in that feeling instead of trying to focus on the doom he felt building up inside his gut.

He felt sticky, gross, like little pieces of Ashton still clung to him. He should take a shower, but he wasn’t sure he could stand up without his whole body falling apart. The only thing keeping him together was the cocoon of blankets he’d wrapped around himself, that, and the thought that this is what Ashton had wanted, and now that they’d gotten over it they could go back to the way things were before. But without Luke constantly having to feel like he owed the older man something.

There was a piece missing. Luke wasn’t quite whole anymore. There was a part of him, however small, that was Ashton’s now, and he could never get it back. It wasn’t the fact that Ashton had it, that bothered him, it’s just that it was gone, irreparably gone.

He hated Ashton, a little, but mostly he hated himself, and the whole freaking world, just on principle.

He fell asleep soon enough, body and mind equally exhausted.

**

When Luke woke up the next morning he was surprised to see the world was still turning.

His entire body hurt, but the world was still completely intact.

His life had changed last night, for good, and somehow life still went on. He took a shower, like always, had breakfast, like always, tried not to snap at his mum for being the most cheerful morning person in all of history, as always, tried desperately to cram in some last minute studying and homework, as always, and drove to school on his bike, as always.

If the universe had moved on, maybe so should he.

At school Luke tried his very best to ignore Calum’s prodding looks from across hallways, school yards and shared classes and each and every attempt from Calum to get close to him –he had accidentally managed to walk into the girl’s lavatory trying to get away but it had been worth it-.

He knew that if he spent even 5 seconds in Calum’s presence the whole story would come spilling out. He had told Calum about his plans yesterday through text. If he told Calum what had happened now, and how he truly felt about it –Calum had that special ‘tell me all your deepest, darkest secrets’ thing about him- he’d probably break down in the middle of school and that was something he truly didn’t need.

It had dawned upon him this morning, that having sex yesterday meant that that now was a thing they’d do more often. After a while, Luke would have no more pieces left for Ashton to take. 

So he was avoiding Calum, and Ashton, and Michael’s prodding texts –Ashton probably told him the entire story by now-, and everyone that had even the slightest thing to do with any of them.

If only he could avoid himself.

As soon as lunch started the ‘avoid Calum at all costs’ operation was flunked. Luke’s eyes scanned the room, trying desperately to find another table to sit at. He even momentarily considered having lunch in the bathroom but common sense won that battle in the end and he made his way over to where Calum was waving at him rather maniacally. 

“Dude, where’ve you been?” 

Luke shrugged, sitting down with his tray, “Don’t know, just been busy, English is kicking my ass, barely got it finished this morning."

Calum’s brow furrowed as he struggled to open his bottle of juice, “You should’ve done it last nig- wait.”

Luke felt a blush creep onto his cheeks as realization dawned upon Calum.

“You didn’t do it last night, you did Ashton!” Calum’s smile got almost comically wide, laughing at his own joke.

Luke smacked him in the arm, “Yeah, and the whole school needs to know.”

Calum rolled his eyes, “Was it…okay?”

Luke chewed the inside of his cheek to bits, trying to come up with a reply, “I don’t know,” He uttered eventually, “Some parts were I guess?”

“Some parts?” Calum prodded before shoving a slice of pizza into his mouth, sauce dribbling down his chin.

“I don’t know,” Luke replied with a sigh, “Maybe we rushed into it? I barely even know stuff about him, like, what’s his middle name, his first pet?” He clawed at his hair, lunch completelyforgotten.

Calum cocked up an eyebrow, “Are you trying to get to know him or hack into his computer?”

“Oh fuck off,” Luke replied, feeling a smile tugging at his lips against his permission as he shoved against Calum’s chest. He almost fell out of his seat, looking around with cheeks stained in embarrassment to make sure no one had seen it.

“No, but for real,” Calum started, his expression stern once more, “How was it?”

“I don’t know Cal, it felt weird all right? And I told him to leave afterwards because I didn’t wanna see him, like who does that?”  
His eyes felt like buckets of water, mere drops away from overflowing, confirming his worst fear that talking to Calum would turn on the waterworks.

“I can’t take it back, you know?” He said, voice turning quiet as the reality of the situation seemed to crash down onto him, “I know it’s not supposed to be that big of a deal, but I guess it kinda is?”

Somewhere along Luke’s rant Calum had lowered his pizza back onto his plate and his face had turned into a frown which kind of seemed to make matters worse for Luke, worse, and more real, “I don’t know dude, I guess it’s kind of a personal thing? Like some people really don’t care, but some people do.”

“Thanks,” Luke scuffed, trying to bite back more vile comments he’d end up regretting somewhere along the line. 

The voices inside the cafeteria seemed to bounce of the walls, sucker punching him in the face. He rubbed his eyes with the palms of his hands until he saw nothing but stars.

Calum put up his hands in defence, “Don’t take it out on me.”

“I’m just gonna go,” Luke replied, picking up his tray and leaving Calum behind.

**

Being at home didn’t exactly bring him peace either, Calum’s puppy dog eyes as he lashed out at him still haunting him.

The fact that his mum talked to him, and looked at him like this was just any other day didn’t exactly aid in not freaking out.  
He felt different, but at the same time, nothing was.

His room was still the same room as last night, Mark Hoppus was still staring at him from across his bed, and worst of all, his sheets still smelled like Ashton which would normally make his stomach flutter in a good way but now made it churn. So did the sticky spots he tried desperately to avoid.

It was all driving him up the wall.

When the doorbell rang he groaned.

Ashton came over after school most days –if he didn’t have work-. Most days Luke was happy he did, now he broke out in sweats when Ashton walked into his bedroom, a nervous smile decorating his face instead of the regular, easy one he usually wore.

“Hi,” Luke said, surprised at his voice cracking.

“We’re okay right?” Ashton immediately asked, walking over to he bed. Luke noticed the genuine concern in his eyes and it formed his reply for him automatically, as if saying anything else was unthinkable.

“Yeah, sure.”

Some of the nervousness left Ashton’s smile, “Good, I’ve been really worried after you kicked me out last night.”

Luke shrugged, “I guess I, I guess I needed some space.”

Ashton nodded, “Okay.”

Luke wanted to believe Ashton was okay, but the look on his face conveyed something else. He wanted to punch himself in the nose over the way he was acting, immature, childish. Ashton had been with a lot of people, and Luke was certain not one of them had acted the way he did afterwards. 

In the end, his selfishness did win and he spoke up, “You know what, I’m actually kind of tired, I’ll come over later?” Luke suggested. Honestly, his body did ache with fatigue, and sitting down all day hadn’t been a particularly easy task.

Ashton’s brows furrowed. He clenched his fists by his side but nodded nonetheless, “Yeah, sure, see you later.”

He left with a quick peck on Luke’s lips that tasted like gum and coffee.

And regret

**

Luke had a hurricane stuck inside his head which, to his utmost regret, hadn’t been cleared by the time he’d walked over to Ashton’s place. 

He had reached Ashton’s house way too soon.

It took him 2 minutes to gather up enough courage to ring the doorbell.

Ashton opened it with a weary smile, seemingly trying to decipher Luke’s mood. He was barefoot, Luke noticed, underneath his blue Nike shorts and grey t-shirt.

“Hey babe, come on in,” He suggested.

Luke shook his head and crossed his arms in front of his body. Distance was vital. 

“I thought I was ready,” Luke confessed. 

Ripping of the band aid hurt like nothing else.

Ashton shot him a sad smile as he caught on immediately, “I think I wanted to believe you were.”

“Yeah, I wanted to believe that too.”

Ashton took a deep breath, baling up his fists, “I really like you, Luke,” He confessed, reaching out to take Luke’s hand into his own. Luke pulled away.

His chest ached at Ashton’s sincerity, a huge part of him wanted to grab a hold of Ashton and never ever let him go again.  
But he’d made up his mind, and he needed to stick with it. If being with Ashton meant doing things he wasn’t comfortable with, he shouldn’t be with him, no matter how much it’d hurt him.

“I don’t think we should see each other anymore,” He rushed out the sentence, afraid he’d swallow it back up if he didn’t get it out soon enough.

Luke nodded solemnly, not quite sure anymore who he was trying to convince, looking at the ground to avoid Ashton’s eyes. 

He turned around, left without another world, trying his best to ignore Ashton stammering behind him that shot little bursts of pain all through his body like electricity running through his veins.

His head was quiet. He’d hit the eye of the hurricane, and wasn’t at all prepared for what was to come, on the other side of it.

**

“So you broke up?” Calum prodded from is positon on Luke’s bed.

Luke turned his head around to face Calum from where he was sitting on the floor, back against his bed and Science textbook open on his lap, “Yeah.”

“Why?” Calum questioned.

“Did you know hydrofluoric acid can dissolve glass?” Luke replied, “Amazing, right?”

“Did you know you changing the subject can’t dissolve it?” Calum shot back.

Luke’s phone beeped, interrupting their conversation. He deleted Michael’s 500th text of the day without reading it. He didn’t need Michael to tell him how much of a fuckup he was, or hate him for hurting his best friend. If he tried hard enough to ignore it, it wouldn’t be the case.

Luke shrugged, figuring honesty would be the fastest way to get Calum of his back, “I don’t wanna have sex with him again, figured it’d be easier if I spared him the trouble of having to break up with me,” He admitted.

“But you don’t even know he wanted to break up,” Calum countered.

“Cal, it’s Ashton, he’s not just gonna want to cuddle and hold my hand like we’re some love-struck teenagers.”

Calum moved around on the top of the bed until he was on his back, head hanging off the side right next to Luke’s, “I don’t know, but if he’d dumped you over sex he’d be an asshole.”

Luke pulled at a loose thread on his jeans, thoughts interrupted by Calum speaking up once more, “Why don’t you wanna have sex again?”

Luke drew up his shoulder, “I don’t know Cal, I guess I wasn’t ready?”

“Was it that bad?” Calum asked, making Luke turn around his head at the quietness of his voice.

Luke threw back his head, “Don’t let me stop you from jumping Michael’s bones,”  
The comment earned him a smack on the shoulder and a glare that could kill puppies.

“I don’t wanna jump any bones, especially not Michael’s,” Calum shook his head fervently.

“Sure,” Luke replied dryly, “You keep telling yourself that."

Calum scoffed, “I’m ending this friendship right now.”

Luke smiled, “Oh I bet Michael could be your friend then, and by friend I mean boyfriend.”

“I hate you,” Calum replied, brows scrunched up and face pulled into a frown.

It was easy enough, the banter, and Luke felt himself slowly starting to feel whole again. Breathing became easier with every single one of Calum’s remarks, and it wasn’t long before they were both toppled over on the floor, laughing, and trying to hold back tears.

**

Luke woke up from the nap he’d accidentally let himself get sucked into by rapid knocks on his bedroom door. He shot up from his bed, sending his textbooks flying to the floor in the process, and rubbed his eyes just Michael entered his room looking like Luke had just kicked his kitten.

“Dude, what the fuck?” Was all he said, flopping down onto Luke’s bed, crushing the papers that hadn’t yet fallen of. He didn’t seem to care all that much, too occupied with glaring at Luke until he felt squeamish and itchy under his glare.

He ended up just shrugging, he hadn’t done anything wrong.

“Ashton has been stuck at my house for the past 3 days looking like he walked straight off of the set of The Walking Dead so don’t you just shrug.”

Luke felt very small, Michael’s tone patronizing and serious, “We broke up,” He muttered.

“Yeah no shit,” Michael deadpanned, “Why the fuck would you do that?”

Luke wanted to shake it off, draw up his shoulders, pretend he didn’t wanna tell Michael because it’s personal. Instead Michael’s persistent stare made him cave, and everything came spilling out, like water bursting through a broken dam. 

As he spoke softly to Michael, about everything, the walls of his room seemed to back off, and his lungs opened up, and there was oxygen flooding through his body into his brain and when Michael told him how much of an idiot he was being it seemed to finally sink in.

“Dude, don’t get me wrong, I get why you did it, but I don’t get why you think you had to? Ashton would’ve never broken up with you over something like that.”

Luke sighed, “I don’t know, it’s just that he’s older, you know,” Luke huffed, “More experienced.”

“Luke,” Michael started, coaxing Luke into looking up at him, “He’s been a mess, beating himself up, thinking of everything he might’ve done wrong,” He sighed, “I finally got him to go home this morning.”

Luke’s heart ached inside his chest, “He thinks it’s his fault?”

Michael nodded, “He feels like he forced you into it.”

“Shit, no,” Luke ran a hand through his hair, his heart nervously speeding up, “No, I wanted it, or I thought I did,” He exhaled shakily, “He kept asking me if I was okay, Michael,” He sighed.

Michael smacked him in the arm, “How about you go tell him that, you idiot.”

**

The next day Luke walked over to Ashton’s house after school. The hurricane inside his head hadn’t ceased to exist quite yet, but Luke knew it’d be dead quiet up there soon, one way or another.

The doorbell sounded like thunder, the door opening felt like getting caught in a hailstorm and their eyes locking like lightning.

“Oh,” Was all Ashton said as Luke just stood there, hands pried into his pockets, smiling up at the elder sheepishly, feeling very much like fleeing.

It took a couple of minutes for Ashton to regain his composure as his face shifted from shock, to disbelief, to anger, and finally to a weary smile when Luke was still there after all of that.

“Wanna come inside?” Ashton studied the ground as he said it, and Luke felt his gut wrench at the thought that he’d caused Ashton to feel like this. He’d caused Ashton to transform from smiling so brightly he made the sun jealous to this, insecure and weary of every single one of Luke’s actions.

Luke wanted desperately to cross the distance between them, but it was too hard to breach. Only a doorstep between them, but mentally Ashton had drifted oceans away.

Luke shook his head and watched Ashton’s face fall, the glimmer of hope that had snuck onto it disappearing into the cracks of his porch, “How about we go sit outside?” Luke suggested, hoping he’d feel less suffocated, more easily reminded of the breath of fresh air Michael had breathed into him.

Ashton nodded and led Luke through the house. They passed Lauren and Harry on their way there, sitting on the couch. Luke smiled at them, tried his best to make everything seems normal. Judging by the way their faces scrunched up and Lauren looked ready to smother him, Ashton’s recent mood hadn’t slipped past them.

He felt like an intruder and had never been more glad to step back into the sun outside.

Luke slid one of the lawn chairs closer to the one Ashton had flopped down in. It made a horrible screeching noise, disrupting the tentative silence between them. Ashton glared at him from the corner of his eye, apparently he’d landed back onto anger in his long string of emotions, Luke felt his confidence waver –not like there had been much to begin with-.

Luke watched Ashton throw back his head, closing his eyes, sun lighting up parts of his face, the shadows of the trees forming patterns to disrupt it.

“Michael called me an idiot,” Luke spoke up, voice cracking, strained.

“He’s right,” Ashton replied instantaneously, cracking one eye open, “He talked to you?”

“More like barged into my house, woke me up from my nap and then insulted me, but yeah,” Luke replied, smile tugging at his lips when he saw Ashton struggle to hold a version of his own back, “He also insulted you.”

Ashton closed his eyes once more, Luke relished in seeing him like this, how the anger and worry seemed to drain out of him as being outside had the calming effect on him it had always had –which Luke had been counting on-.

“What’d he say?”

Luke shrugged, “Compared you to a zombie pretty much.”

Ashton snorted, “Remind me to punch him in the face next time I see him.”

“You shouldn’t Ash, he convinced me to come.”

Ashton turned his head around to face Luke and opened his eyes, they were curious, but his tone was harsh when he spoke, “Why are you here?”

Luke scratched the back of his neck, “To apologize, I guess?”

Ashton huffed and Luke’s stomach fell, “I thought you wouldn’t wanna date me anymore if we didn’t, you know…”

“Have sex?” Ashton blurted out.

Luke’s cheeks heated up, “Yeah, and I’m sorry.”

“Was it that bad?” Luke hated how unsure, how small Ashton sounded. All he wanted to do was reach across his chair, hold Ashton close and never let go.

“I liked some of the things we did,” Luke admitted, blush still tainting his cheeks.  
Ashton went silent for a while, lost in thought, “Okay, how about you tell me what you liked and what you didn’t?”

Luke gnawed on his bottom lip, “I liked the kissing,” He felt really awkward discussing this.

Ashton nodded, offering Luke an encouraging smile, leaning forward in his chair, their knees bumping together, “Okay, kissing, what else?”

Luke pursed his lips as he thought, “I liked, uhm, making you…” He motioned between them, hoping Ashton would get where he was going. 

“Making me come?” Ashton asked, seemingly un-phased, Luke nodded, “Yeah, I liked that too,” He admitted, chuckling.

“I liked the blowjob,” Luke blurted out, confidence growing. Ashton did seem to have that effect on him.

“Yes,” Ashton agreed, “I can definitely do more of that.”

“I guess that’s it?” Luke concluded, poking at a little hole he’d just managed to find in his shirt.

The next thing Ashton said felt like a nuclear bomb going off inside Luke’s brain, “You know, that was my first time.”

Luke looked up at Ashton so fast a searing pain shot through his neck. He saw a vivid red blossom onto Ashton’s cheeks who was trying his very best to look at anything but Luke. A light breeze ruffled through his hair.

“What?” Was all Luke managed to utter.

Ashton started playing with the bracelets around his wrist, twisting them around, taking them off, putting them back on, “Yeah,” He muttered eventually, “I guess you heard other things?”

Luke was too dumbfounded to talk so instead he just nodded.

“Yeah, I have dated a few people but none of them… it never felt right? But if people want to believe the rumours I’m not gonna stop them.”

Luke eventually sobered up enough from the shock to close his mouth.

“But the things you said, I really liked doing that too, and they did feel right. I guess it was too much too soon?”

Luke nodded in agreement, “Next time we’ll go slower.”

Ashton wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, which in turn made Luke chuckle, “Next time, huh Lukey?"

“Yeah next time,” Luke replied, smiling, “In about 5 years.”

Ashton groaned and Luke tensed up until he spotted the smile on his face.

“I guess you’re worth the wait.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on
> 
> [Twitter](https://twitter.com/thighsss) 
> 
> and
> 
> [Tumblr](http://wastingmytimedreaming.tumblr.com/) 
> 
> (I apologize for any mistakes I wrote most of this on my phone and also posted it from there)


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